He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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