Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
