If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
