I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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