I'm going to jail i love you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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