it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I AM VODKA MAN
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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