I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
