There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
