Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
