help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
