Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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