Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
