threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize