my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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