Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
