You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
