You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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