I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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