She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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