I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
