I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
