maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
