you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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