Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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