Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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