you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I understand Curling. That high.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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