im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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