he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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