maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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