Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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