I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
