I'm gonna have a badass scar
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
