$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
