suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had to cum in my sink.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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