my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize