Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
