I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
