I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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