Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
