i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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