2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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