stop calling my apartment porn island.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
