I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
