We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is wine microwaveable?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
