i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
