Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
