I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i drank out of a bidet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
