please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dick very happy bro
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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