It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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