even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
