my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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