one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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