My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
