I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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