Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
