So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
