My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
