I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
