if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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