she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
