so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
