my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
