how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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