god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
