I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
