Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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