Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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