I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
