Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
