i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I deserve this hangover.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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