I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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